Monday, 2 August 2010

And then..




My life was perfect.

The sun shined bright all hours of the day. That palm tree always swayed when a strong breeze blew. That chair, painted a shiny white which never faded. How I sat at my sun deck tanning my skin to the perfect shade. I remember those white birds flying in the distance.

I loved my 6pm walks on the beach. The sun wouldn't set, but the sky turned a beautiful shade of orange every day. There was no night. Just the sky changing colour - orange to purple to pink to blue and it was morning again. The sun always shone, its smile ever present.

My dog Tallahassee didn't do much. He sat next to my bed. He never barked, he didn't go for walks. He just sat there, tongue hanging from his mouth, a faint smile on his face. He never bothered me for walks either. He was just a very very quiet dog.

In this life I didn't do much. I was never hungry, so I didn't forage for food. I had all I needed, so I didn't work. I was quite content with my company, so I didn't bother socialising. I was happy.

This was my life. My cozy, comfortable life. It was perfect.

And then, today happened. I was lying on my chair, tanning, as usual. I felt a slight tremble. Strange, I thought. Within minutes I felt another tremble, but the intensity was stronger. I got up from my chair and ran to my room and hid under my bed. Tallahassee still wasn't moving. I called for him, but he sat there as always.

All of a sudden I saw something glimmering outside. The trembling had stopped so I gingerly stepped outside. Everything around was covered in shiny dust. I looked up and the dust was still falling. It covered me completely. What was this? I had never seen something like this before.

I was so scared. I ran right outside my home and to the streets to see what was happening. The shiny dust was still falling. I reached down and scooped a handful of the dust. So strange.

The trembling started again. The intensity was so strong this time, I found myself flung in the air. I screamed loudly and crashed against a white bird. It was stationary too. I held on to its wings, screaming the whole time.

My word was going topsy turvy. The palm tree uprooted and was rolling around in the sky. The shiny dust had filled up the entire atmosphere, the particles choking me. The sun fell to the ground, crashing to a million bits. I saw my chair spinning around, and the very moment the bird I was hanging on to fell to the ground as well.

I hung on to dear life, but I knew my time was almost up. I didn't fall to the ground, wherever that was, anyway. I was spinning around mid air. Somewhere along the commotion I stopped thinking. For a second, everything stopped.

And then..my world came crashing down.

"Mommy!! Reena broke the snow globe!"
"You tattle tale!"

The End.

Friday, 23 July 2010

Troll'd

Yes blogger buddies, my blog is officially troll'd. Some muthakuckas have been trolling on the comments for each post, and posting comments in Mandarin/Japanese with links, which I can only assume is a virus filled porn site. I know the trolls are going to comment on this post as well.

At first I thought they are some innocent Asian people who are appreciating my blog. Then I knew better. And blogger doesn't even allow you to block people from posting on your blog. But I am wise now. I don't bother. Post all you want you mothafuckas! I don't care!! Haiyah!

Apart from that, everything has been so random lately. Life is a haze of nothingness. But there's cake. So, some consolation?

I'm working on something for the next post! So I will see you then!

Tro-lo-lo-lo

Saturday, 10 July 2010

Still Daddy's Little Girl



I can't speak for the guys out there, but us girls have this undying need to make our daddies proud of us. He is the strongest man in the world, with the kindest heart. His rough hands hold us tight when we cry. We make stories about dragons and princesses right before bedtime and he tucks us under the covers and kisses us goodnight. He is always there for us, whenever we need him. We will always be daddy's little girls.

What is it about making our daddies proud of us that makes us so emotional? Every time ma came to our open house, we didn't bother so much. But when daddy came, it was such a big deal. That's my daddy, talking to my teacher. He's telling me I can do so much better, but he is still happy. I'm holding back tears.

When ma came to our sports meet, we were happy she's there. But when our daddies came, we pushed harder. We pumped our chubby feet as fast as we could. When we saw him cheering for us, we closed our eyes and just ran towards the finish line and finished the race. We raised our trophies high in the air, looking at his smiling face. Our hearts filled with contentment. I've done something to make you proud, daddy.

When our documentaries were being screened, I waited patiently for you to come to the auditorium. When my teacher praised me in front of you, I tried really hard, but I couldn't control my tears. I cried, and you patted my back. "Don't cry, beta" you said softly. I excused myself. I picked the best seat for you in the auditorium. I waited for you outside. And then I saw that tear trickling down your eyes when you said "I'm so proud of you, beta." I sighed in happiness. I'm on the right path daddy!

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Finally I wrote something 'decent'. It's been a while! Hope you're all good! :) Thanks for being patient with me!

P.S. To the people who are posting comments in Mandarin/Japanese, please stop! I dont understand what youre saying!

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Few Facts about Fat People



As the spokesperson for all fat people in the universe, I believe it is my duty to inform all you skinny/regular people of the very essential facts about fat people. These are things you probably never knew about us, but it is of utmost importance that you do. Why? Look around you. Every second person is overweight or obese. Pretty soon, you will be too. So please pay attention, for I am about to tell you the things a fat person hates to hear and do.


A. Hear

1. Nothing, and I mean nothing, angers us more than when a skinny girl says "OMG! I have to loose 5 kgs! My weight has gone up to 45kgs! Ugh..I feel so faaatttt!". Have you ever felt a dhai kilo ka haath across your face, bitch? No? Well, now is a good time to start then. FATAAAK!

2. When someone gives us diet/exercise tips, we feel like ripping the person's head to half. We have not asked you to give us any advice, so why do you want to anger a fat person? Remember the dhai kilo ka haath? It applies here too.

3. When you compare other fat people to us. "I have a friend, she's about twice your size...She's sooooo faaat!" What the hell? Are we a benchmark against whom you compare other fat people too? What if I told you I have a friend who's twice more uglier than you? Would you like that?

4. When you say fat people are generally a violent race. Okay, so point 1 and 2 of this may not be helping my case, but really, fat people are not at all violent. Look at us, will you? By the time we raise our fists to punch you silly, we'll be too tired and give up. So no, I am not joining your Antakshari team because you think I will hit every member of the other team just 'cause they're cheating.

5. We hate it when our friends (sweet as they are) call us 'sexy', 'hot', or 'da bomb'. Oh sweeties, you really are too kind. Too, too kind.

6. We hate it when people call us 'fat' or other words which mean 'fat'. And we don't hate it 'cause we feel hurt by the said words. No, no. We hate it cause it's the most unoriginal way to hurt a fat person. You're telling me I'm fat. So? Is that supposed to hurt me? cause I kinda already knew that. Come on, a little originality please!

7. We hate it when a skinny girl says "I eat sooooooooo much...yet I don't gain even one gram of weight." Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Don't smite a fat person. Trust me.

B. Do

1. Fat people hate all kinds of physical activity. We hate the mere thought of going to the gym. If it were up to us, we'd prefer not to move at all. The Sloth's life is the life for us!

2. We hate going clothes shopping. Apparently, clothes manufacturers still believe there are no fat people in this world. We hate trying on clothes, and hate it even more when they don't fit. We hate looking at size zero, as we shriek in disbelief, "How can people be so skinny!" We, however, love shoe and makeup shopping. One size -does- fit all.

3. We hate eating in public. Most people think our eating capacity compares to a blue whale that has been hungry for 5 days. It might be true for some of us, but most of us have quite normal appetites, in fact we may eat even less than skinny people. Whenever we eat in public, we feel our food is under scanner from the people around us. Stare at your own food, fools!

4. Continuing from point 1, we hate all adventure sports. Our bodies are just not meant for 10 mile hikes, or climbing the Himalayas. When we can watch Himalayas on Discovery Channel (now in HD!), sipping on our cokes, why should we make an effort to climb it? We really really don't have an adventurers spirit, so don't even bother.

5. We hate taking photographs with skinny people. We don't like the fat-skinny contrast, cause it makes us feel even fatter. It is definitely an ego boost for the skinny person, but not us...sorry!

That's it I guess. This was the list of what a life is like for a fat person, and all its irritants. We basically hate everyone and everything, and would like you all to leave us alone.

Ok? Thank you. Bye!

*poof*