As the spokesperson for all fat people in the universe, I believe it is my duty to inform all you skinny/regular people of the very essential facts about fat people. These are things you probably never knew about us, but it is of utmost importance that you do. Why? Look around you. Every second person is overweight or obese. Pretty soon, you will be too. So please pay attention, for I am about to tell you the things a fat person hates to hear and do.
A. Hear
1. Nothing, and I mean nothing, angers us more than when a skinny girl says "OMG! I have to loose 5 kgs! My weight has gone up to 45kgs! Ugh..I feel so faaatttt!". Have you ever felt a dhai kilo ka haath across your face, bitch? No? Well, now is a good time to start then. FATAAAK!
2. When someone gives us diet/exercise tips, we feel like ripping the person's head to half. We have not asked you to give us any advice, so why do you want to anger a fat person? Remember the dhai kilo ka haath? It applies here too.
3. When you compare other fat people to us. "I have a friend, she's about twice your size...She's sooooo faaat!" What the hell? Are we a benchmark against whom you compare other fat people too? What if I told you I have a friend who's twice more uglier than you? Would you like that?
4. When you say fat people are generally a violent race. Okay, so point 1 and 2 of this may not be helping my case, but really, fat people are not at all violent. Look at us, will you? By the time we raise our fists to punch you silly, we'll be too tired and give up. So no, I am not joining your Antakshari team because you think I will hit every member of the other team just 'cause they're cheating.
5. We hate it when our friends (sweet as they are) call us 'sexy', 'hot', or 'da bomb'. Oh sweeties, you really are too kind. Too, too kind.
6. We hate it when people call us 'fat' or other words which mean 'fat'. And we don't hate it 'cause we feel hurt by the said words. No, no. We hate it cause it's the most unoriginal way to hurt a fat person. You're telling me I'm fat. So? Is that supposed to hurt me? cause I kinda already knew that. Come on, a little originality please!
7. We hate it when a skinny girl says "I eat sooooooooo much...yet I don't gain even one gram of weight." Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Don't smite a fat person. Trust me.
B. Do
1. Fat people hate all kinds of physical activity. We hate the mere thought of going to the gym. If it were up to us, we'd prefer not to move at all. The Sloth's life is the life for us!
2. We hate going clothes shopping. Apparently, clothes manufacturers still believe there are no fat people in this world. We hate trying on clothes, and hate it even more when they don't fit. We hate looking at size zero, as we shriek in disbelief, "How can people be so skinny!" We, however, love shoe and makeup shopping. One size -does- fit all.
3. We hate eating in public. Most people think our eating capacity compares to a blue whale that has been hungry for 5 days. It might be true for some of us, but most of us have quite normal appetites, in fact we may eat even less than skinny people. Whenever we eat in public, we feel our food is under scanner from the people around us. Stare at your own food, fools!
4. Continuing from point 1, we hate all adventure sports. Our bodies are just not meant for 10 mile hikes, or climbing the Himalayas. When we can watch Himalayas on Discovery Channel (now in HD!), sipping on our cokes, why should we make an effort to climb it? We really really don't have an adventurers spirit, so don't even bother.
5. We hate taking photographs with skinny people. We don't like the fat-skinny contrast, cause it makes us feel even fatter. It is definitely an ego boost for the skinny person, but not us...sorry!
That's it I guess. This was the list of what a life is like for a fat person, and all its irritants. We basically hate everyone and everything, and would like you all to leave us alone.
Ok? Thank you. Bye!
*poof*
A. Hear
1. Nothing, and I mean nothing, angers us more than when a skinny girl says "OMG! I have to loose 5 kgs! My weight has gone up to 45kgs! Ugh..I feel so faaatttt!". Have you ever felt a dhai kilo ka haath across your face, bitch? No? Well, now is a good time to start then. FATAAAK!
2. When someone gives us diet/exercise tips, we feel like ripping the person's head to half. We have not asked you to give us any advice, so why do you want to anger a fat person? Remember the dhai kilo ka haath? It applies here too.
3. When you compare other fat people to us. "I have a friend, she's about twice your size...She's sooooo faaat!" What the hell? Are we a benchmark against whom you compare other fat people too? What if I told you I have a friend who's twice more uglier than you? Would you like that?
4. When you say fat people are generally a violent race. Okay, so point 1 and 2 of this may not be helping my case, but really, fat people are not at all violent. Look at us, will you? By the time we raise our fists to punch you silly, we'll be too tired and give up. So no, I am not joining your Antakshari team because you think I will hit every member of the other team just 'cause they're cheating.
5. We hate it when our friends (sweet as they are) call us 'sexy', 'hot', or 'da bomb'. Oh sweeties, you really are too kind. Too, too kind.
6. We hate it when people call us 'fat' or other words which mean 'fat'. And we don't hate it 'cause we feel hurt by the said words. No, no. We hate it cause it's the most unoriginal way to hurt a fat person. You're telling me I'm fat. So? Is that supposed to hurt me? cause I kinda already knew that. Come on, a little originality please!
7. We hate it when a skinny girl says "I eat sooooooooo much...yet I don't gain even one gram of weight." Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Don't smite a fat person. Trust me.
B. Do
1. Fat people hate all kinds of physical activity. We hate the mere thought of going to the gym. If it were up to us, we'd prefer not to move at all. The Sloth's life is the life for us!
2. We hate going clothes shopping. Apparently, clothes manufacturers still believe there are no fat people in this world. We hate trying on clothes, and hate it even more when they don't fit. We hate looking at size zero, as we shriek in disbelief, "How can people be so skinny!" We, however, love shoe and makeup shopping. One size -does- fit all.
3. We hate eating in public. Most people think our eating capacity compares to a blue whale that has been hungry for 5 days. It might be true for some of us, but most of us have quite normal appetites, in fact we may eat even less than skinny people. Whenever we eat in public, we feel our food is under scanner from the people around us. Stare at your own food, fools!
4. Continuing from point 1, we hate all adventure sports. Our bodies are just not meant for 10 mile hikes, or climbing the Himalayas. When we can watch Himalayas on Discovery Channel (now in HD!), sipping on our cokes, why should we make an effort to climb it? We really really don't have an adventurers spirit, so don't even bother.
5. We hate taking photographs with skinny people. We don't like the fat-skinny contrast, cause it makes us feel even fatter. It is definitely an ego boost for the skinny person, but not us...sorry!
That's it I guess. This was the list of what a life is like for a fat person, and all its irritants. We basically hate everyone and everything, and would like you all to leave us alone.
Ok? Thank you. Bye!
*poof*
