30 Days of Me - Day 2

Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.

So here's what I had for dinner today: A Sausage Sizzler. For some reason, I love pronouncing sausage as soo-saa-shuh. I also calls spoons 'shpauns', knives 'knofs' and forks 'fwakes'. Mornonic little quirks like these make the world a better place to live in, I think.

Anyway, so this monstrosity before you is the above-mentioned sizzler. 6 pieces of sausages on a bed of mashed potatoes, french fries and spinach. How glorious. Also, the food was super hot, and I managed to burn my throat, of all places. But the pain was worth it, because the food was good.

And that's it!

30 Days of Me - Day 1

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was

I look nothing like this in reality

So here we are, Day 1 of the 30 days of me challenge. As asked, here is a picture of me. I am not very fond of sharing what I look like to the public domain, but since it's a challenge, why not have some fun with it, eh?

Today was one of those days when I was returning back to work after a two-day holiday. You know that intense laziness that settles in your bones? That is how I felt, waking up to my alarm clock ringing in my ear. When the initial laziness settles in, then strikes the realisation that I have to wake up and go to work. Yawn.

Not that I don't enjoy work. It's just that a holiday means a lot more to a person who doesn't get many.

After that, my day has been pretty much regular. Slept in the bus. Slept in the train. Completed a few pending things at work and then sat there, twiddling my thumbs, thinking about life. For some time now, an intense amount of sadness has fallen over me, like this heavy quilt that just won't let go. When I get these bouts of sadness, I can physically feel my heart sinking to my stomach and I feel this need to cry.

But I don't. I am quite comfortable with this facade of a happy person I have created for myself.

After that I accompanied a friend to a hyper market, because she wanted to buy some groceries. While she went on a cheese rampage, I looked around for things I could buy. I bought some cheese sausages, smoked chicken salami, french fries, pringles, tic tacs, amongst other things. It was fun.

Sometimes I think shopping is the only thing that makes me happy.

Then I returned home. Ate some dinner, and here I am typing this out. Not a bad day, indeed.

If you want to take up this challenge yourself, click HERE.

For the original post, click HERE.

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara—Reviewed!

Mili?

So I saw Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara (ZNMD) today. If you're expecting me to go on about the value of life and how you must live each day as your last, I'm sorry, that's just not happening. Not right now, at least. I mean I do give spiels about life and how you must cherish it from time to time, but this movie didn't really make me go "OMG I GOTTA DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE!!!1!!!!1111"

After viewing the trailors and listening to the music from the movie, I knew that this movie will garner either of the two reactions from me—absolute hate or absolute love. Absolute hate because I am not really a big Hrithik Roshan fan. Ever since Dhoom 2, I've cringed each time he has opened his mouth to speak, specially in English, with that horrid accent (hey, he even pronounces his name Row-shun and not Raw-shun! Oh well...). In fact, I don't think I have even seen a Hrithik Roshan movie post Dhoom 2.

Absolute love because, well, Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy made me fall in love with the music of this movie. Each track is quite hummable, especially Khwabon ke Parinday and Señorita. Also, the cinematography and the colour scheme of the movie (Quite The Hangover-ish, by the way) looked like a very promising premise. I still went to the movie with a clear and open mind, and decided to judge the movie only once it ended.

I won't spoil the movie for you guys, but the only thing I got out of the viewing experience was the fact that I want, nay, need, to go to Spain. What a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious place! I have been wanting to go there ever since I witnessed my beautiful La Furia Roja defeat The Netherlanders in the FIFA World Cup 2010, and ZNMD just gave me a bonus incentive of sorts. I have even prepared a 'Spain ka Dabba', where part of my salary will go towards saving up for a trip there! Kudos to you, Carlos Catalan, for that fabulous cinematography. The beautiful locales of Spain were made even more breathtaking, thanks to your camerawork. My favourite was how the La Tomatina festival at Buñol was shot. Beautiful.

The editing was great too, specially during the high-adrenaline scenes. Anand Subaya, I swear my heart was in my mouth during the sky diving scene in Seville. Wow, really. And the bull run at Pamplona. Phew. Neato Burrito!

Now, to the acting. Abhay Deol, what is up with that gay demeanour of yours? Not that I have a problem with homosexuals, but were you playing one in the movie? What happened? Apart from that, I like you. Really. I thought you were quite believable. Farhan Akhtar... that voice. Urgh. Like a frog mating with a cheese-grater. The cherry on top of this rancid cake is getting him to read out those poems on a regular interval through the movie. Good idea Zoya Akhtar. Not.

Hrithik left me pleasantly surprised. As mentioned above, not really a fan, but he got through the movie without annoying me once. No accent, not trying too hard, quite sweet, really. Katrina Kaif is beautiful, Kalki Koechlin needs braces, but yeah, overall, good stuff.

I believe the purpose of this movie relates to the title - Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. For me, the purpose was defeated. I got more 'I need to do something with my life' out of The Bucket List (the 2008 comedy-drama starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman) than I did with ZNMD.

So if you ask me how I liked the movie, I'd just go "Meh."

Go ahead, ask me!

Side note: Did you know that Katrina Kaif's introduction scene was shot on a nude beach? She wasn't naked, of course (did I just hear a de-boner?), but I wonder how shooting went that day.

Side Side note: At the theater, during the interval: Mom - "Bobby Deol ki acting kitni achchi hai." (referring to Abhay Deol). Me - "Haan, lekin mujhe Javed Akhtar ki acting achchi nahi lagi."

Vacations?

Remember your last day of school before summer vacations?

The last paper? That intense giddiness you felt while planning the months of nothingness that lay ahead?

Fifteen years ago, that was me in the classroom. I filled supplements after supplements with rubbish. I finished my paper 1 hour before time, my heart racing with each passing minute. That was me, jumping with joy as the bell rang, ending the semester and beckoning the holidays. I was that girl in the school bus, dancing and singing, loosening my tie. Reaching home, jumping on the bed and finally settling down, I would smile and think to myself "life couldn't get any better."

Fifteen years later, it's Summer vacation again. Except this time, I'm not that girl anymore.

P.S. I am thinking of shifting to wordpress or tumblr. Thoughts?

Preach Mode: On

I have no idea why, but I just feel like doing a short post today. I feel like delivering a small lecture to anyone who is willing to listen.

You, reading this, yes, you...stop looking around.

You're beautiful.

You're the sexiest person alive.

Man you're hot!

And never

Ever

Ever

Ever

think otherwise,

hot stuff ;)

The Exorcist

Eep!

Let me begin by saying I am not a fan of the horror genre. In fact, on any normal day, I would not touch horror by a barge pole. I have religiously and happily avoided watching or reading anything that was remotely close to horror and I was quite pleased with my progress. Until...

I was reading a blog post around Halloween, where the entry spoke about must-read books from the horror genre. As I read the details about the books listed, I could not help but be intrigued. I had never really read a scary book (unless you count Goosebumps!) and the ones mentioned in the blog were downright classics. I finished reading and curiosity got the best of me - I ordered three books from flipkart. The Shining, The Exorcist and IT.

The first of the lot was The Shining by Stephen King. Stephen King is often times considered master of the horror genre, and has written several books in the same. The Shining is considered one of his best, and was made even more popular when Jack Nicholson played the role of Jack Torrance from the book. The book also received a mention in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, when Joey got so scared of the novel, he stored it in his freezer! After reading the book though, I wouldn't say that Joey may have exaggerated. The book is that scary. There are some truly spine-chilling moments in the book, where I felt my heart beating a thousand beats per second. There were also times when I put the book away because I was too scared to go further. In the end, however, I finished it, saw the movie version (didn't like it as much as the book!) and I felt satisfied!

Then came gulp The Exorcist. I remember seeing fragments of the movie version a long time ago. I knew the story, I knew what was to happen, yet I was not prepared for the book version. The way the author has described the paranormal, horrific incidents were so disturbing and revolting at times. I read the entire novel with a blank expression on my face, where my mom would ask me several times - what is wrong with you? As I reached the climax, I felt my hands going cold and trembling and finally the book ended, however my adrenalin rush would not settle. I swear I started hearing noises and felt movements. I could not sleep at night. I was thoroughly shaken. Will I see the movie though? Highly doubtful!

Now I am reading IT by Stephen King. The book is a massive 1376 pages, so it will take me some time to finish. But I'm sure I'm going to enjoy every bit of it.

So, have I become a horror convert? Perhaps!
Am I going to see horror movies? At present, HECK NO!

The Crush...

It's just..a little crush

From the age of 10 to 15, I had a massive, massive crush on a boy in my class. He was fairly popular among the girls, good at sports, great at science and an all round good guy. Seriously, who wouldn't fall for such a person? Well, I fell. And I fell hard. You know that kind of longing you experience, where your heart beats harder each time the person walks by? When you secretly cry thinking he would never be with you? That's how it was with him. I never told him how I felt, and it took me 2 years to finally get over him.

After him, I never felt the same about any guy. Of course, I fell in love and was in a relationship, but I must honestly admit that I didn't have a crush on him. And I don't think you can equate a crush with love. Of course if the crush is mutual and it develops into a relationship, there is nothing better. But that never happened with me. My first crush didn't surmount to anything, and my first love was no crush. Weird, but true!

But now, dear readers, at the risk of having that person read this post, I am about to reveal the second crush of my life. Now this crush is completely different from my first in the sense that it isn't longing I felt for him. It was awe...maybe what I will feel when I finally meet John Abraham (YES IT WILL HAPPEN! POSITIVE THINKING!). I will not name him, but let's call him...umm..Guru (I have no idea why!)

Now you will all remember when I went to Delhi for an internship, right? Well, Guru was the editor of the magazine where I interned. The very first time I saw him, I was actually taken aback. Was this man for real? Tall, fair, brown eyes, curly hair, thick lips..that was just from the outside. Then he shook my hand and his deep baritone voice boomed "Hi Supriya, we really need you!" And in my head I thought Oh my! I really need you too!

It was crush at first sight. I found myself staring at him during breaks, my eyes twinkling (maybe my pupils dilated to little hearts, who knows?!). I sighed every 2 minutes, and I remember I drooled a fair bit too! I was a bumbling mess each time he spoke to me. His voice literally made me weak in the knees.

Then came the most memorable day of my life. It was decided that we would go to Chandni Chowk for some exploration and a shoot too. A day earlier, Guru texted me about the next day's details (I still have that message saved. Sigh) We all met up at work, and once we were all in, we were on our way.

We first went to Haldiram's, where Guru treated us all to chole bhature after which we all split up and went on our way. I crossed my fingers and prayed..oh please let me be on Guru's side..and thankfully, I was! I did a little jig when no one was watching, and I silently followed Guru as we started exploring Chandni Chowk.

We walked a lot, and spoke a lot too. Walking the small cramped lanes, the cold weather and Guru's company made me feel like I was on a set of some movie. So surreal.

Once we were done we started walking towards the Metro station. It is a long walk, and we were both very tired. "Shall we get a rickshaw?" Guru asked and immediately I felt my heart thudding loudly. I would be sitting so close to him! We hailed a cycle rickshaw and I gingerly sat next to him. I know it sounds so cheesy, but I felt an intense emotion being in such close proximity. I swear I felt myself blushing, my face was on fire. It was the most epic time I have ever ever had.

Of course the ride got over soon. He was such a gentleman - he helped me out of the rickshaw. I wish I could describe how I felt exactly, but right now the words are just not coming to me. I would just say it was one of the best feelings.

So Guru, if you're reading this, YES, I did have a crush on you (seriously, who wouldn't?) You are my real-life John Abraham :)

The Ass Biter

A long time ago, Diwali vacations meant long hours of nothingness, inventing and playing weird games, fighting with siblings, eating delicious food and other such all-round goodness.

GRR! Gimme back my ball!

On one such balmy vacation evening, a bunch of us were hanging out at the park. General random mutterings were shared. We were all sitting around doing nothing, when we heard loud shrieks. Two kids were fighting with each other over some reason, let's just assume it was cricket. They were hitting each other silly when two of the older boys came and separated them. One of the kids (let's call him Prakash) huffed angrily and went away. The other one (let's call him Avinash) adjusted his t-shirt and came walking towards us.

A good ten minutes passed, and our random mutterings were still on. Avinash was standing on my right, talking about something. We were all lost in conversation, when we heard a loud cry. Prakash was screaming his head off, running straight towards Avinash. He looked like Leonidas entering the battlefield.

"THIS IS SPART..sorry..AVINAAASHHHH!" he screamed and lunged towards him. All this happened so quick, we were too stunned to react. Prakash must have missed his mark because he landed near Avinash's feet, missing him completely. I guess Prakash had a backup plan in mind, because the very next second, he pounced on his ass and..I kid you not...started biting it. His mouth was filled with a meaty chunk of Avinash's ass, and he held on to it like some wild animal.

Avinash howled loudly and tried to free himself from Prakash's death-grip, but he simply would not let go. Again two boys came and separated them, while the rest of us were falling on the floor, laughing our guts out.

I miss Diwali vacations!

Some Updates

*Lately, I've grown really, stupendously hot. Dear reader, I wish 'hot' meant sexy, but not in my context. I have been sweating half my body weight out every single day, and I hate that. The worst part is that the sweatiest part of my body is my face. Not armpits, like regular people. Had to be my face. It feels like I've come out of a sauna every time I enter my office, and it feels so horribly gross. I even carry around a huge-ass napkin. Is there a cure for sweatiness? Oh I really hope there is!

*I have fallen in love with 'Shaam' from the movie Aisha. I know I am late, but I am not really an appreciator of Hindi music. But there's just something about that song. I have heard it on loop at least ten times, and I loved it more each time. However, I am also sure I will get sick of it by the end of this month. The same happened with Train's 'Hey Soul Sister'.

*I wish I could update this blog more frequently, but I guess I am suffering from a permanent writer's block. I do hope it doesn't permeate into writing for the magazine, cause that will totally suck! There are so many things I want to share, but as soon as I touch the keyboard, I loose it. I am freely writing this post, maybe that's why I am able to write it. Hmm. Maybe I should do that more often.

*Flipkart is my latest haunt. I have ordered so many books lately, the guy who couriers them to my home told me he has never delivered so many books to one residence! I guess that's cool, right? Currently I'm reading Stephen King's The Shining. After I read Carrie, I knew I had to read The Shining. I have finished about six chapters now..nothing scary...so far! The next book on its way is All My Friends Are Dead by Avery Monsen and Jory John. Can't wait for that one!

*I miss talking to this friend of mine, with whom I don't speak anymore. We had the best, most random conversations. I used to shout at him, we fought a lot, but then we made up too. We spoke for hours over the most stupidest things. And now, we don't talk anymore. How things change, eh?

*I read my very first byline in the magazine, and I dedicated it (in my mind) to my grandfather. Long ago, I had told him that when I write a book, I will dedicate it to him. This article, of course, is not a book, but it's a start. It's my name in print. And I dedicate it to him.

*Diwali is here! Yay! It's my favorite festival of all time! I love dressing up, the lights, the sweets. I could live without those blasted fireworks! Dhadam, dhudum, dhadam! Fuu! Hate them. I wish some inventor creates a noise-less, pollution-less alternate to fireworks. Wouldn't that be epic?

*I miss being in love. I can't say anything more on this topic. Let's just say, I love you all :)

Shaadi.com?

These conversations are getting very regular at my house these days. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm growing old without my knowledge. Feh.

itchy crotch!

Mom: बेटा, तूने क्या सोचा है?
Me: किसके बारे में?
Mom: शादी के बारे में!
Me (sighing): और मुझे शादी के बारे में क्यूँ सोचना है?
Mom: तू बड़ी हो गयी है अब! मैं लड़के देखना शुरू कर रही हूँ.
Me: Laughing hysterically, almost falling off the couch
Mom: हस मत. तू नहीं चाहती किसी सुन्दर से राजकुमार के साथ तेरी शादी हो?
Me: तू कर ले शादी. I'm happy as I am.
Mom: नहीं बेटा, अब दो साल में तेरी शादी करनी है. मैं तेरी प्रोफाइल बना रही हूँ shaadi.com पर.
Me: बना दे...लेकिन मेरी photo ज़रूर डालना.
Mom (pausing): दो साल हैं...तू बिलकुल shape में आ जाएगी! कल से diet शुरू!
Me (slapping my forehead): हे भगवान्! मैं ऐसे इंसान से क्यूँ शादी करूँ जिसके लिए physical appearance ज्यादा ज़रूरी हो?
Mom: It matters
Me: UGH!
Mom: तेरे मामा भी कह रहे थे अब उम्र हो गयी है तेरी...
Me: I'm only 24!!
Mom: जब मैं 24 थी, तू पैदा हो गयी थी...
Me: ..and you're still regretting that decision!
etc..
etc..
etc...

Marriage. Ugh. Just thinking about it gives me the shivers. I've never ever seriously thought about being married someday. And now I'm being bombarded with such conversations from various family members and acquaintances. I'm only 24 people! Is that too old for Indian marriage standards?

Sometimes I feel I'm just not built for marriage. I'm lazy, immature, irresponsible - no saasu maa will want me for a bahu (good riddance in my books! ;D) But just in case, by some freak incidence, I do get married in two years, this post would have been completely useless, and I'd probably be deleting it then (in case my to-be saasu ma is net savvy).

BLEH!

And I did this too!

If there's something unusual, weird, or random happening, you can be sure you'll find me there. This time around, the concept of a 'Fish Pedicure' caught my fancy.

A long time ago, I had seen a documentary on Discovery. People in Turkey suffering from various skin disorders were dipping themselves in these large pools filled with tiny black fishies. These fishies then stick to the person's body and start picking on their skin. Apparently, it's a great therapy and has had proven results.

I read about Fish pedicures when I was in Delhi last year. People were going ga-ga over how smooth their feet felt, and how rejuvenated they were after their experiences. I made a mental note of getting it checked out, but then a lot happened, in that period and it just slipped out of my mind.

Now this has migrated to good ol' Bombay too. And I jumped on the opportunity to visit one. The appointment was set, and I patiently sat, waiting for my turn. I kept wondering what it would feel like. When my turn came, I was taken in and an assistant first washed my feet. She asked if I had any allergies. In case you're wondering, I'm allergic to coriander now. Refer to previous post. But I guess that wouldn't matter for a Fish Pedicure, so I skipped that detail.

After a good washing up, I was taken in to the tub section. Hundreds of fishes were swimming around, probably wondering, "when's the next meal coming, yo?" I smiled, and thought, "you're really gonna like my feet little fishes!"

The timer was set for 15 minutes, and I gingerly dipped my feet in. Immediately the swarm latched on to my feet, and it felt like hundreds of tiny pins were pricking me. It felt so ticklish, and I saw these fishes going like a vacuum cleaner and sucking on my feet, inch by inch.

Eat little ones, eat.

Unfortunately, a huge crowd gathered to witness what was happening, like the Red Sea was parting or something. I felt like a caged animal on parade. Bleh. I decided to focus on the fishes who were trying to consume my feet, very unsuccessfully, however.

OMGWTF is going on here?! OMG!

But when I was getting really comfortable, I was told my 15 minutes were up and I had to get out of the tub. I pouted a little...I felt so close to the fishes by now. Come on they just consumed my skin, I felt connected! I didn't want to leave! "You could extend this session for 15 minutes for Rs. 200 more," the assistant told me. "Yeah, you can dry my feet now," I replied, shaking off the fishes from my feet.

*squeaky squeaky*

And now I have shiny, happy and the cleanest feet I've ever had. I will visit again, for sure. Wait for me, my little ones!

The commute

Now that I have started working again, I consciously decided that I am going to add some exercise to my daily routine. In my previous job, I traveled by car and sat at my desk all day long, and being the super lazy person I am, there was absolutely no scope for exercise. Now, my office is located 20 minutes from Dadar station, so instead of taking a cab (which I wouldn't get anyway) I decided to walk to and fro to work.

Does 20 minutes of leisurely walking count?

I am usually not an observant person when I am traveling by an auto or cab. I don't pay attention to any details, and I usually get horribly lost, unless the driver knows exactly where I want to go. But when I walk, I absorb and take in all the details around me - the sights, sounds, everyday nuances about the place. Getting off at Dadar station is an experience within itself. First, the air hangs heavy with the stench of human feces, a hobo's armpits and a 'Gents urinal', all with a dosage of rotting coriander leaves. Then, as I hold my breath as long as I can, I jostle with about a million other people to walk up a flight of narrow stairs, bearing blows to all parts of my body.

I don't complain about this, because it's not only me who's going through the ordeal. The woman who was punching me a second ago was also being punched by someone else. It's an endless cycle of punches and blows. It's all fun and game till you know, someone dies, or something. Anyway, once the jostling is over, my walk begins.

If the station itself is so bad, you can only image what lies ahead. Wading through unending muck and dirt and blood, and vomit and coriander I start walking. It is drizzling slightly, so everyone opens up their umbrellas, almost poking my eyes out. There is a very old and sad looking horse who pulls a cart laden with rotten lettuce and coriander. I feel deeply hurt, but move on. There are two cows tied to a pole eating and shitting while people touch them out of sheer respect.

A little further, there is a Sulabh Sauchalaya, smelling like it should smell, along with rotting coriander. A homeless family sits on a cart outside. The baby wails on top of his voice, and his teenage mother mouths expletives shutting the baby up. Then I see a rare sight of ear wax cleaners (seriously, there are none around anymore!) cleaning people's ears and a public assembles to watch this (disgusting) feat.

Walking ahead, there is more rotting coriander and hordes of people loading bags and bags of it in trucks. Seriously, that's a lot of coriander. There is another cow tied to a pole, swatting flies with its tail. Then comes something I haven't seen in such close proximity before. There is something called 'Navrang Bar', a desi daru adda. There is no door, flimsy curtains separating the drunks from the outside world. There is the overpowering smell of bad alcohol, and I observe people getting totally hammered at 8.30 IN THE MORNING. Drunks sit outside, either vomiting or getting into fights.

Another 5 minutes later, I reach my office. There is a small Hanuman mandir outside with the inscription 'Thanks to Mr. XYZ for the biggest donation ever to make this mandir'. I bow my head in prayer and mumble:

"I better lose weight at the end of this!"

And so, it begins (again)

Bloggersville! I have some exciting news (mostly for me, but since you guys lubb me so much, it's only fair I share :))

I had quit my corporate job in December 2009 in hopes of making a career in photography. I then interned with a well known magazine in Delhi as a photographer. It was a lot of fun, and getting my photos published really put a lot of things in perspective for me. The internship was a three month stint, and post that, I joined a photography course in Bombay to better my skills. Once that got over, started to look for work again..and it took a very long time, but I made it, finally :D I am now going to be working for India's number 1 photography magazine, doing what I really love to do! I'm so happy and feel so blessed!

Anyway, now that a new chapter of my life is beginning, I can't help but think about the first job I had, the big bad corporate world! A lot of memories came..here's a few to share with you!

Our bay consisted of 6 seats, and I vividly remember the folks I shared my bay with. There was Ms. P, who was flown in from Kolkata for a project. She was so inquisitive, and always ready with a conversation (unless she was busy!) I remember we had this singing duel of sorts..she had this amazing voice, and she would be singing some song, while I would be humming some obscure tune myself, and the music would just clash, but we kept on singing anyway! I remember feeling really bummed out when she left for Kolkata again!

There was also this guy whose name I don't remember. He looked EXACTLY like this:

Of course, he didn't bring a gun to work, but when I saw him for the first time, my first impression was he is definitely a member of the Italian Mafia! He didn't speak much (not at all with me) and would just be working throughout the day (I'm sure you all will remember how I spent my days at work, as suggested by previous posts! *cough*wastingtime*cough*) He had joined our bay in December, during Christmas time. The office got into Christmas mode, decorating the bay. Mr. A and I were really an excited bunch, decorating our bay with the zazziest of Christmas decor. I remember how sweetly the Italian Mafioso left his seat (even though he was in the middle of work) when we came to decorate his side of the bay.

I am one of those people who hate and abhor Antakshari with a passion, but I was somehow convinced to take part in the office Antakshari during Diwali. We made it to the finals, and it was between 6 teams (as far as I recall!). Our team was losing (I told you I hate antakshari!!) and as a last ditch effort, I belted out Masakalli from Dilli 6. The feeling was so amazing, the crowd went crazy, and I felt really really good. We didn't win, of course, but I did win this box of Tiffany sweets, so I guess it wasn't all bad!

As I recall all these moments, I am just left smiling. Now a whole new 'era' begins, more memories to make, more blog posts to write!

Cheerio, my lovelies :)

..is writing a post

Boon or Bane?

Facebook - the phenomenon that has taken the world by storm. It has defined social networking to what it is today, and even redefined relationships. Personally, I love facebook, and I fail to remember what I was doing before it existed! (cause I'm on facebook 24 hours a day ;))

Now with everything good, there is of bad too. Yin-yang. Facebook is so transparent and so instant, people on your friends list update you on whatever they are doing in a matter of seconds. That could be a good thing if you're that voyeuristic, but what about people who could do without minute-by-minute updates about everything you're doing? When facebook asks you 'What's on your mind?', I'm sure it doesn't want specific, intimate details! Here's a list of updates on facebook I can do without:

1. OMG!!!!@!@!!! OMG!!@23232!! OMGGGGG Edward Cullen is soooo HAAAWWWT! (No he's not. He's a cold blooded leech man)

2. I'm in labour!! Baby number 4 on its way! (Concentrate on pushing, woman!)

3. "Tanhai mein faryaad to kar sakte hai,
Virane ko abad kar sakte hai.
Kya hua aapse mil nahi sakte,
Lekin aapko dil se yaad to kar sakti hai!" (What??!!)

4. Just saw Gupt first day first show!! OMG Kajol was the murderer! (Way to ruin it for the rest of us, my friend!)

5. 2 al mah frds, i luv u n v shud b frds 4eva!!! (Only if you go to grammar school)

6. I lOvE 2 tYpE aLl My StAtuS uPdAtEs lYk dIs (You do have a lot of patience!)

7. Can someone milk my cows while I'm on vacation? (Willing to throw in poisoning your farms for free!)

8. Aal eej well! (It won't be once you get my fist through your face!)

9. Love you boyfriend/girlfriend!!!! MWAH! MWAH!! (This is a whole new level of PDA which I'm not comfortable with!)

10. Just returned from Paris. Off to Maldives in a few hours! Life is good! (-Activating buri nazar-)

11. Very angry. Don't disturb. (And now I shall disturb you, even if I had no intentions to earlier!)

12. Stomach upset :( Making poops the size of my fist!..NASTY! (And I need to know that, because?)

14. Comfortably numb. (Quoting songs now, are we emo boy/girl?)

More to come! Watch this space!

Aisha - The Review

Here's a confession for you - I love a good chick flick. They transport you to this wonderland of sorts where everything is possible. They all start happy chirpy, then there's a drop in the middle where the chick faces a moral dilemma, a climax where the hero and the chick kiss passionately, and a happy chirpy end. This tried and tested formula has been satisfying lonely, heartbroken girls for the longest time.

Then there are the bad ones. The ones that are so bad, you feel like tearing your hair apart in annoyance. You know the ones where, in spite of being so bad, you can't stop watching just because you've already seen it halfway. I saw Sex and the City 2 last week, and I was actually crying because it was so bad. But I will save my rant on the atrocious shitty movie for another post. This one's about Aisha.

To be honest, before I watching this movie, I had expected to absolutely hate it. (maybe SATC 2 has marred my chick flick experience for life?) I thought it will be 2 hours of L'Oreal, Christian Dior, Salvatore Ferragamo, Louis Vuitton; and how the chick can afford those shopping sprees and we can't. Honestly, it's a bit of that along with a so-called adaptation of Emma by Jane Austen.

Sonam Kapoor plays Aisha, the ditsy, nosey matchmaker from a rich Delhi background. Her best friend Pinky Bose (Ira Dubey) is mean, spunky and wears clothes that look like Andy Warhol threw up on them. Then there's Shefali Thakur (Amrita Puri), a talkative "behenji type" Haryanvi girl who has come to Delhi to find a boy for marriage. Aisha takes it up on her self to find a match for Shefali along with giving her a makeover (which includes 'subtle' L'Oreal product placements).

The men in this movie are Abhay Deol as Arjun Burman (who Sonam Kapoor calls Arjan throughout the movie with her weird accent), Aisha's next door neighbour and her complete antithesis. Cyrus Sahukar (cast brilliantly as Randhir Gambhir) is an heir to a mithai dynasty and has a soft spot for Aisha, but fights continuously with Pinky. Then there's the really really hot Dhruv Singh (Arunoday Singh..super smokin' hot shirtless!) who flirts outrageously with Aisha.

The movie basically involves Aisha's meddling ways in trying to get Shefali to hook up with guys she thinks are right for her. Arjun warns her of the consequences, but she doesn't listen. There are camping trips and people getting high, shopping, match making gone wrong, hot girl (Lisa Haydon) taking Arjun's time, making Aisha jealous, fights, punches, babies, more shopping, realizations, etc. etc. etc. Finally after two hours the movie ends, and I'm left thinking I've seen this movie before.

As it turns out, Aisha is not an adaptation of Emma, but an adaptation of Clueless, which was a 1995 comic adaptation of Emma. Clueless starred Alicia Silverstone as Cher Horowitz, and Aisha's character is based on hers. I saw the movie again yesterday, and noticed a lot of scenes and character traits in Aisha have been lifted straight from Clueless.

On the technical side, the cinematography was horrid, some scenes being completely out of focus. Music is fun, upbeat and fresh, quite enjoyable. Cyrus Sahukar is fun to watch, Amrita Puri is annoying, Ira Dubey is bleh, Sonam Kapoor is ok but needs help with that accent and Abhay Deol is flawless (and useless at the same time!)

All in all, this one's an ok movie, can be enjoyed with a big group of girls. Guys, avoid.

Final three word review of Aisha: Clueless was better.

2/5

Troll'd

Yes blogger buddies, my blog is officially troll'd. Some muthakuckas have been trolling on the comments for each post, and posting comments in Mandarin/Japanese with links, which I can only assume is a virus filled porn site. I know the trolls are going to comment on this post as well.

At first I thought they are some innocent Asian people who are appreciating my blog. Then I knew better. And blogger doesn't even allow you to block people from posting on your blog. But I am wise now. I don't bother. Post all you want you mothafuckas! I don't care!! Haiyah!

Apart from that, everything has been so random lately. Life is a haze of nothingness. But there's cake. So, some consolation?

I'm working on something for the next post! So I will see you then!

Tro-lo-lo-lo

Few Facts about Fat People

As the spokesperson for all fat people in the universe, I believe it is my duty to inform all you skinny/regular people of the very essential facts about fat people. These are things you probably never knew about us, but it is of utmost importance that you do. Why? Look around you. Every second person is overweight or obese. Pretty soon, you will be too. So please pay attention, for I am about to tell you the things a fat person hates to hear and do.


A. Hear

1. Nothing, and I mean nothing, angers us more than when a skinny girl says "OMG! I have to loose 5 kgs! My weight has gone up to 45kgs! Ugh..I feel so faaatttt!". Have you ever felt a dhai kilo ka haath across your face, bitch? No? Well, now is a good time to start then. FATAAAK!

2. When someone gives us diet/exercise tips, we feel like ripping the person's head to half. We have not asked you to give us any advice, so why do you want to anger a fat person? Remember the dhai kilo ka haath? It applies here too.

3. When you compare other fat people to us. "I have a friend, she's about twice your size...She's sooooo faaat!" What the hell? Are we a benchmark against whom you compare other fat people too? What if I told you I have a friend who's twice more uglier than you? Would you like that?

4. When you say fat people are generally a violent race. Okay, so point 1 and 2 of this may not be helping my case, but really, fat people are not at all violent. Look at us, will you? By the time we raise our fists to punch you silly, we'll be too tired and give up. So no, I am not joining your Antakshari team because you think I will hit every member of the other team just 'cause they're cheating.

5. We hate it when our friends (sweet as they are) call us 'sexy', 'hot', or 'da bomb'. Oh sweeties, you really are too kind. Too, too kind.

6. We hate it when people call us 'fat' or other words which mean 'fat'. And we don't hate it 'cause we feel hurt by the said words. No, no. We hate it cause it's the most unoriginal way to hurt a fat person. You're telling me I'm fat. So? Is that supposed to hurt me? cause I kinda already knew that. Come on, a little originality please!

7. We hate it when a skinny girl says "I eat sooooooooo much...yet I don't gain even one gram of weight." Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Don't smite a fat person. Trust me.

B. Do

1. Fat people hate all kinds of physical activity. We hate the mere thought of going to the gym. If it were up to us, we'd prefer not to move at all. The Sloth's life is the life for us!

2. We hate going clothes shopping. Apparently, clothes manufacturers still believe there are no fat people in this world. We hate trying on clothes, and hate it even more when they don't fit. We hate looking at size zero, as we shriek in disbelief, "How can people be so skinny!" We, however, love shoe and makeup shopping. One size -does- fit all.

3. We hate eating in public. Most people think our eating capacity compares to a blue whale that has been hungry for 5 days. It might be true for some of us, but most of us have quite normal appetites, in fact we may eat even less than skinny people. Whenever we eat in public, we feel our food is under scanner from the people around us. Stare at your own food, fools!

4. Continuing from point 1, we hate all adventure sports. Our bodies are just not meant for 10 mile hikes, or climbing the Himalayas. When we can watch Himalayas on Discovery Channel (now in HD!), sipping on our cokes, why should we make an effort to climb it? We really really don't have an adventurers spirit, so don't even bother.

5. We hate taking photographs with skinny people. We don't like the fat-skinny contrast, cause it makes us feel even fatter. It is definitely an ego boost for the skinny person, but not us...sorry!

That's it I guess. This was the list of what a life is like for a fat person, and all its irritants. We basically hate everyone and everything, and would like you all to leave us alone.

Ok? Thank you. Bye!

*poof*

I'd say it's kind of funny!

If there's one thing in my life that I have learned, it's that no matter how close you are to a person, he or she will use you. They will ring you out, juice you dry, till they have taken every opportunity to use you. Let me give you some examples.

There are some people you have never spoken to (and thanked your lucky stars) since school, and 5 years later, they add you on facebook. You 'peh' and 'meh' and add them, and for months, you will have no conversations, even on facebook.

Then one fine day, these long lost friends will ping you on the facebook chat, and have a conversation like this:

Friend: Hey!
Me: Oh Hi! (Why's he talking to me?)
F: Remember me?
M: Of course I do! (How can I forget those days when you bullied me to death!?)
F: Long time, huh?
M: Yeah.... (I wish it were longer)
F: So, what you doing these days?
M: Working at XYZ (*yawn*)
F: Oh cool!!! It's located at ABC, right?
M: Yeah... (ok where's this going?)
F: Do you know if there are any openings for an (insert educational field here) graduate?
M: Nope (I KNEW it!! Why else would he talk to me?)
F: Can you find out? Also, can you find out the pay package for a fresher?
M: I wouldn't know (EFF YOU!)

And then there are those, who are kind of friends, but only talk to you if they have some work to be done. They begin conversations with some formality, which soon leads to me having to do some work for them.

Friend: Hey beautiful!
Me: Hey gorgeous!!
F: How are you?
M: I'm good, you?
F: I'm fine yaar..how's life?
M: All good! You tell me?
F: Sab changa hai!
M: Chalo good.
F: So, what's your take on pink nail polish?
M: What?!!!
F: Yeah! I'm doing this article on pink nail polish....just wanted your opinion..
M: Uhh...ok..well..I think pink nail polish is (15 minutes of typing)
F: Cool, thanks. Chall I'm busy now, talk to you later.
M: Ok. (GRRRRRRRRRRRR :x)

Then there are the blatant ones, who don't even do the formality, and get right down to business.

Friend: Hey
Me: Hi
F: Have some work.
M: What?
F: Can you upload that video of yours on my blog?
M: Oh HELL no.
F: Why?
M: First off all, you didn't even ask me how I'm doing. Secondly, I don't want to.
F: Ok. Bye.
M: Bye.

The point is, if you let anyone use you, they WILL use you. I have a hard time saying 'No' to people, I guess it's the spirit of helping people out in me. Maybe I should try using others now..You...do me a favor, will ya? Comment on this post!

(P.S. I mean no offense to ANYONE in this post. Just sharing some anecdotes I'm sure most people go through!)

Some life lessons

Everyone around you, and maybe even you, use the term "LIFE SUCKS!" (sometimes LYF SUX). Till some point of time, I used to believe the same. Nothing was going right for me, and my answer to everything was, "Life sucks!"

At some stage of my life, I got this epiphany. And I realised this: The more I believe life sucks, the more it will suck. If I change my point of view, if I believe that everything happens for a reason, I know that everything will turn out right. There are two reasons for my epiphany: 1. The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, 2. Hannah Montana (Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock!)

So I learned a lot. And I changed my point of view. And with this blog post, I want to just share a few life lessons I have learned personally:

1. If you ever feel like doing something, just do it. You wanna dance in the middle of the road? Do it. You want to wear a certain type of clothing? Do it. You wanna sing, even if it is out of key? Do it. Never be afraid of the world laughing at you, because no matter what you do, there will always be someone who will mock you. So think of it this way, when you know you're going to be laughed at, why not do what you wish to do? You only get this life once -- live it the way you want to!

2. You are beautiful. Short, tall, fat, skinny -- you are beautiful. Beauty is such a subjective term, isn't it? The standards of beauty that society (Indian society in general) claims for people is so twisted, that it would probably take a lifetime supply of Fair and Lovely to get you to look like those models in the ads. It is a cliche line, but true at the same time: beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Think about it yourself - would you rather be someone you are not to try and appease to the shallow standards of society, or be happy and content in your own skin? The more you try to impress someone, the more miserable you will be.

3. Don't blame God for your failures. If you're an atheist, this point is invalid, but if you do believe in God, stop blaming Her for your failures. You're in this world for a reason. Every action you do has a purpose behind it. You may not realise it now, but God has a plan for you. She listens to everyone, She listens to all your prayers. So even if you fall, rise up, consider it a challenge for God herself. And remember - never give up.

4. Listen to your mom. She is ALWAYS right. Your mom has seen life way more than you have, and there is no other person who can give you better advice than she can. So unless your mom is a hooker and a raging alcoholic who sells drugs on the side, listen to what she has to say. Take her advice, and it may just work for you!

5. Believe in a better life. If you think your life is bad, then that's what you will see around you -- a bad life. But if you change your view, think positive thoughts, you will start to notice positive things around you. When I say there is power in positive thinking, trust me, it works. Try this once -- before going anywhere, say to yourself 'There will be no traffic jams today', and believe it. Then stop thinking about the traffic completely. And then see what happens. I do this everyday, and I always manage to reach work on time. Try with the small things, and then work your way to the bigger ones. Remember - if you think positively, only positive things will happen. (This does not mean saying 'I'm POSITIVE I'll fail! ;) )

And that's it -- 5 life lessons from the Iggy. Maybe I should start some self-help sessions!! Who's with me? ;)

Ek Auto story

Aaja meri gaadi me baith ja!

People from Bombay, come gather around, for I am about to teach you a lesson about the auto driver. Even if you're not from Bombay, pay attention. This information might come in handy some day.

The Bombay rickshaw driver comes in a variety of race, religions and species. I have divided these rickshaw drivers in several categories. They are as follows:

1. The Angry One: This specie of rickshaw drivers is a frustrated soul. He has had several anger management issues; one that tops the list is being called 'bhaiyya'. So this bhaiyya ji...err...rickshaw driver takes his anger out on the road. They will drive at breakneck speeds (passengers can literally break their necks sitting in this rickshaw), honk endlessly, spew countless swear words, and remove their misery on the other travelers. This specie is very likely to get into physical fights with other drivers who they crash into, mainly BEST bus drivers (who are a different specie all together!)
2. The Drunkard: The name is self-explanatory, isn't it? This is a sub-specie of 'The Angry One', and they prefer to drown their misery in a bottle of 'desi tharra' and then rule the road. It's easy to spot this specie, since you can smell the alcohol all the way from China. Their speech is slurred, they drive loopily, and are once again, very likely to get into accidents. They might even start talking to you, crying or laughing. If you value your life, don't travel by this auto.
3. The Yapper: If this specie gets a chance at an alternate career, he would love to host a talk show. Where only he talks. Yappers open their mouth the moment you sit in the auto, and shut up the moment you get off. They don't need you to initiate the conversation; they can pretty much begin on their own, starting with their favorite dialogue: "Aaj traffic bahut zyada hai!" They then move on to topics ranging from Himes bhai's new moojic, to discussing the nuances of Marxist theories. They are so apt at speaking; they will continue talking even if your ears are plugged to your music player. It is very hard to notice a Yapper from afar, so if you wish to avoid this situation, best keep your mouth shut in all your future rickshaw rides.
4. The Dhinchak: This specie loves his ride. They love it so much; they take it on their onus to decorate it with every loud and garish item possible. Both sides of the passenger seat will have images of Bollywood beauties, looking at you lustily. Their stereos will be complete with surround sound, sub woofers, and what not. They are Himes bhai's biggest patrons, and they will play his music extremely loud, till the point where blood seeps out through your ears. They will have the customary "Tum kab wapas aaoge" sticker on their rear-view mirror (which is, of course, only a decorative commodity!) There will also be a porn movie blue light which will shine throughout the ride. Fresh flowers, plastic flowers, agarbattis, pepsi bottles filled with black shiny liquid, you will find them all in a Dhinchak's ride. If you appreciate Indian kitsch, hitch a ride.
5. The Asshole: This is the worst of the specie. They take personal pleasure in making the ride a hellish experience for the passenger. They tamper with the meters, making them run at a speed of Rs. 5 per second. They letch at the female passengers, stop in the middle of the road to talk on their cellphones, spit all over Bombay, deliberately drive over pot holes to make the ride extra bumpy, fake a tyre puncture if they don't want to ply beyond a certain point...I can go on and on! These leeches think they can get away with anything, and 90% of the time, they do. If you get the slightest indication that the auto driver belongs to the Asshole category, leave immediately or get ready for a back breaking ride, where you will be cheated off of your hard earned money.
6. The Millionaire: This parasitic specie makes its presence felt in all the auto drivers categories. These are a super rich specie...they are even richer than the Tatas and the Ambanis! They feel like they people of Bombay rely completely on their services. But they are so rich, they don't even bother. Auto driving is a hobby for them, a mere sport. That's why they blatantly refuse passengers who ask them to go to a certain location. Even if they fall on their feet and beg the specie to allow them a ride, they will just raise their noses high and speed off. On a good day, if they feel like it, they tauntingly agree to ply the passenger. You should consider yourself super lucky if the Millionaire allows you a ride.
7. The Honest One: Rarest of the rare! The chances of getting into an auto driven by the Honest one are one in a billion. They don't tamper with the meters, so you don't end up paying exorbitant rates. They drive at a normal pace, follow traffic rules, don't talk much, and help you with loading luggage, if need be. The chances of finding the Honest One are rare, since it's an endangered specie. Slowly, the other six species of auto drivers are luring the Honest One to join the dark side. In the rare occasion you do land up in an Honest One's ride, please thank your lucky stars you got to see one before they disappear completely.

So there you go kids. Today you learnt about the seven species of auto drivers.

Tomorrow, how to eat daal-chawal at your office desk without making a mess.

Cheers!