Wednesday, 17 December, 2008

Stream of consciousness

[I had written this today during a training session. Everything will be explained, read!]

Dear all,

I really do not know what I'm doing here. Why am I here? There is a session called 'CDLG' [don't ask me what it means, cause I don't know what it means myself], the topic name is 'Interpreting...uh...something'. I don't know what I'm attending this session. Perhaps it is a different environment from my cubicle where I sit idle all day long.

This room is a closed space in the HR department of the office. It is full of computers, and the AC is switched on full blast. I'm feeling a little cold, bu I can manage. My position is such that the instructor cannot see me. I'm completely hidden behind a monitor. I wonder why such arrangements are not in college, when we would do our homework while lectures were on, and we would always get caught.

Every morning when I get up, I curse myself for having taken up this job. I hate myself every time I step into the office. I hate global recession and the fact that I cannot quit this job because no one else will hire me.

The instructor has been speaking for about 20 minutes now, and I have not heard a single word. Others around me are listening attentively, asking questions and making notes. I would have paid attention too, if I considered this to be useful. For me, it is not.

Twinkle twinkle, little star;
How I wonder what you are.

I just felt like writing the rhyme cause it just came to me mind. I just realized that I have not written with a pen in a very long time, so my handwriting looks really shabby. I used to have really good handwriting.

My colleague's birthday is on December 19th, and that is the only thing I am looking forward to. I'm really hankering for some cake, even though I had some on Monday.

The instructor just said 'production' and I have been transported to SCM, our shootings, and me behind the camera. I loved the feeling of holding the PD-170 in my hands, focusing, adjusting the white balance. I miss that a lot. I want to be a cameraperson/cinematographer.

Have you seen that ad for glasses where a woman is in Africa shooting the wildlife? I want to do that with my life. I want to be her.

Ok, it's been half an hour now since the session began. Usually, I would be sleeping, but writing this is making me alert.

You know what I hate? The fact that my batchmates are in jobs they love, while I'm here. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for them. But I hate that I'm not there with them. Getting a job in the media requires a lot of work, and believe me, I've tried. There obviously is something I lack. I just hope I find this out soon.

The instructor just said "this is just a dummy". Dummy is a funny word, isn't it? Just say it once. Dummy. Dummy! hehehe. That made me smile.

My arm has now stared to hurt from writing. I really should write something everyday. My fingers are cramping up too.

Because Mudoh told me to, I stumbled upon It is a really good website, because it introduces you to websites/blogs that you may not have heard of, and they would be of your interest. I have been to many new websites this way. Unfortunately, my office blocks most websites, so I can't use stumbleupon. That's just sad.

It's been 40 minutes now. 20 minutes to go.

My palm really hurts. I'm pausing in the middle to massage it. Very, very sad.

I just heard 'target audience'. Advertising. I never liked advertising. It was one of my weaker subjects in SCM. My worst being FC. I sucked at it. My chair is making weird noises, like it's gonna break. But don't think it will. It just needs some lubricant.

Ok, I'm gonna nap for 10 minutes. I couldn't sleep for 10 minutes. Must have been 5.

6 more minutes to go. I'm not gonna attend any more of these sessions as they are useless to me. I'd rather sit at my desk and read a book. Speaking of which, I finished reading 1984 by George Orwell yesterday. I suggest you read it too. It will shake you and scare you out of your skull. And it's not even in the horror genre.


Dunno. Just wanted to say it.

FIB: Fuck, I'm Bored
TIFU: This Is Fucked Up

2 more minutes to go. I hope she finishes on time. FIB!

I just heard 'there's no solution'. There's no solution is also a song by Sum 41. It's a nice song. Sum 41 is a good band.

It's 12:30. Times up! But the instructior hasn't finished yet. :(
It's 12:31 now. I'm still here.
It's 12:32 now. I'm still here.
It's 12:33 now. I'm still here.
It's 12:35 now. I'm still here.
" "12:36" "
" "12:37" "
" ":38" "
" ":39" "
" ":40" "
" ":41" "
" ":44 -> Finally, it ends! Faaaaaak!

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